In-N-OutBurgerFiVeGuys - A Battle Royale with Cheese

Restaurant: Burgerfi

Companions:  Jasmine and my Dub-Step-Son. Jasmine has joined me at all 3 and shares my opinions. MyDub-Step-Son, has yet to try In-N-Out, but has had the other two.

Behold the hamburger.  Juicy (sans Couture), loaded (but not expensive), and hot (but not super model... because let’s face it, those skinny diva bitches wouldn’t be caught dead eating them).  At any of the 3 burger joints in the title, you can get something great, and perhaps a touch trendy, without breaking the bank or going overboard.  Yes there are places where you can get a $1000 hamburger, and I’ll admit I’m intrigued by Serendipity 3’s $295 Wagyu beef burger, but realistically If I’m going to spend that on a meal, it’s not going to be for a hamburger.  Burgers are comfort food.   A good burger is like a good woman... enough meat to be tasty, nice buns, lots of good things inside to keep it interesting, and you shouldn’t have to break the bank to be able to enjoy it.

There has been an ongoing war amongst my tastebuds, as to my favorite quick serve burger place.  Ever since discovering it in the late 90’s, I’ve been a devotee of In-N-Out Burger.  I wear the T-shirts proudly... they are a great conversation starter, and I get comments all the time on them.  I make pilgrimages whenever I’m out West... which is my chief beef with them... they aren’t here on Florida.  I used to see their signs, and look at the name... In-N-Out... is it a burger joint or a cat-house?  If it is as quick as the name implies, how can it be any good?  At least it is a step above Hot and Now... worst name for a restaurant ever.  Then The Gunslinger took me to one for lunch and I was hooked.  The do one thing and do it (at the time) better than anyone else.  Burgers and fries.  All fresh, never frozen, top quality ingredients.  Secret menu.  Cool shirts.  Their fries aren’t the greatest, but they don’t suck either.  Alas, not in Florida.

Then along comes Five Guys... in Florida, everything fresh, If the burger at In-N-Out is a 10, these are an 9-1/2.  Their fries are some of the best I’ve ever had, and they give you a potato sack full of them... ok maybe a burger bag full... they fill the container to overflowing, drop it in the bag, then put another scoop of fries in on top, just to make sure your arteries are nice and clogged... great business practice, right up until their customers drop dead from a couple of years of over-indulgence.  But then their fries are like crack, so by the time you drop dead, they will have all of your money anyway.

So my tastebuds have been warring over which I like better, and then fate takes a hand and I get my annual bout of bronchitis.  What the fries does bronchitis have in common with burgers besides beginning with a “B”? Well, dear reader, I happened to be wearing one of my In-N-Out shirts when I went to see our family doctor, with Jasmine and my “Dub-step-Son” in tow, as we are all sick.  Who commented that he had never had In-N-Out, but asked if we had ever tried Burgerfi.  That’s right, the family doctor (and his missing gallbladder), send us to a cholesterol filled den of caloric insanity.  Of course my DSS, who chews up burgers like Skrillex chews up beats, is all for this idea. Jasmine and I are starving, and there is one on the way home... So since I have taken a rare sick day, and the one meeting I need call in for doesn’t start for 2 hours, we are off to harden our arteries as a family.

Start with fresh, locally sourced, antibiotic and hormone free grass fed (corn finished... -1/2 point) angus beef.  Put it in a toasty, branded bun... Literally “Burgerfi” is charred in to the bun, taking branding to a whole new level... or more appropriately back to it’s origins.  Fill it with everything from pickles and mustard to more exotic offerings like Burgerfi sauce, aioli, and blue cheese, and add a mountain of fries that are as good as Five Guys.  There are all sorts of classic and exotic toppings for the fries, as well.  However my DSS summed up the fires best... “Wow, these are the first fries I’ve ever had that don’t need ketchup”.  He opted to pass on the Parmesan and herbs, however, which while tasty, did not work as well as ketchup, in my opinion.  They also have Frozen Custard and what they call a Concrete, which is frozen custard with other tasty stuff mixed in.  Have to go back for one of those... the one thing a bit off-putting about them is they were as much as the burgers.  For drinks, they have the new super soda machines that mix in all of the flavors, plus boutique bottled sodas and beer and wine.  The interior is a modern take on a classic burger joint, and they also have outside seating.  Jasmine, my DSS and I all agree the burgers are some of the best we have ever had, and will definitely be going back... Jasmine is threatening tonight.

      Burgerfi has figured out how to take the best of the other two chains, blend it together like one of their Concretes, and then one up everyone with some gourmet additions, plus beer and wine.  On their website they have their own “secret menu”... an idea directly lifted from In-N-Out, and while the ideas themselves are all Burgerfi, such a blatant naming made me want to go all animal style on them. (- 1/2 Point).  Service was reasonably quick, despite being packed during the lunch rush, and they give you a pager to pick up your order (a-la Panera).

      Overall I give them 9 (mayonnaise free) fries from my large order (about how many you will get if I even consider sharing with you... They are that good).